The Intentional Art of Love

Rekindling Connection in Long-Term Relationships

by Zac Hansel

In the early stages of love, attention flows freely, guided by curiosity and excitement. Over time, however, the dynamics of attention shift, and we find ourselves grappling with new challenges. The spark of something new no longer sustains love; it requires intentionality, resilience, and an understanding of the forces that shape long-term relationships. 

Through personal reflection and the stories of others, I’ve come to see how easy it is to let the years go by without questioning where our attention goes or recognizing the subtle drift that can occur in our most important bonds. Yet, the truth remains: love can be sustained and even deepened over time if we’re willing to invest in it consciously. And in cases where love has eroded beyond repair, this understanding can also offer the clarity to part ways with respect and kindness.

Three main ideas have led me to a deeper understanding and reframing for long-term relationships: acknowledging the drift of attention, developing practices that reinforce connection, and establishing rituals that anchor us through life’s challenges. These reflections, questions, and insights are meant to inspire a renewed sense of hope, guiding you to rekindle or realign your relationship with intention.

Recognizing the Drift: When Attention Fades

A little over a year ago, my partner decided to take a year off work to rediscover her passions and focus on what mattered most to her. In this pursuit, she spent time away from our relationship, engaging in what she wanted, liked, and felt was missing. Her journey brought valuable insights for her, but it left me feeling isolated, questioning where my own value and attention should be placed. What felt like a sudden shift was actually a slow evolution, an unspoken understanding that our attention to each other had diminished over time.

Looking back, I realize that this drift didn’t start when she decided to take time for herself. It had been building for years, as we each focused on our own priorities without recognizing the subtle ways we were slipping away from each other. As with so many couples, the signs were there long before they were acknowledged. When we’re immersed in our own lives, it’s easy to assume the relationship will “take care of itself,” but time has a way of quietly eroding the foundation if we aren’t actively maintaining it.

In my case, part of the drift came from not voicing my need for attention. I seldom asked for time together or expressed when I felt distant. In my silence, I assumed that things would correct themselves or that my partner should simply understand. Yet, relationships don’t thrive on assumption. They require clear, open communication about what we need, not only to survive but to feel connected, valued, and seen.

Reflection: 

• When was the last time you openly asked your partner for attention, time, or support? 

  
  

• If it’s been a while, consider what holds you back. Do you assume they should “just know”? Or do you hesitate, fearing it might disrupt the relationship? 

Recognizing the drift and acknowledging our role in it is the first step toward restoring closeness.